Monday, April 23, 2012

The OFFICIAL Anti-Olympics Blog™

I would like to take this opportunity to announce that, as of this moment, Inside Left is the OFFICIAL Anti-Olympics blog™ of London 2012. I cannot begin to express the overwhelming pride I feel at having finally sealed the deal. And for a not insurmountable sum of money, I might add. Those people at the International Olympic Committee and LOCOG might be trying to inspire a generation but they sure do drive a hard bargain.

It does mean that there will be a fair few changes around these parts. I do of course have a responsibility – nay, a duty of care – towards the Olympic brand ideal. For the foreseeable future (ie the length of my contract) rest assured I’ll try hard to ignore Saudi Arabia’s treatment of women, dampen down my rage at the profiteering of the corporations and even suppress my pure, unadulterated loathing of Sebastian Coe. Indeed, Lord Coe – a long-time target for my anti-Olympics ire – is alleged to have said, “The very fact that we have appointed a lefty who thinks he’s funny to write the OFFICIAL Anti-Olympics Blog™ merely goes to show what an inclusive, business friendly environment we have created for London 2012.”

It will be quite the challenge to live up to standards set by my more illustrious Olympic partners – after all they have been sponsoring the games for so long. But still I’ve tried hard to get into the swing of things. This morning I was particularly rude to a call centre worker who phoned to ask if I was would like to change my internet service provider. Afterwards I took all of my re-cycling and put it straight into the rubbish bin. I know this really isn’t in the same league as the Coca-Cola’s and Rio Tinto’s of this world but you have to start somewhere and I know the IOC really appreciates the effort.

Understandably my position as the OFFICIAL Anti-Olympics Blog™ will impact on others. Anyone else in the blogosphere taking a similar position to my own is kindly requested to desist from any more anti-Olympics commentary. Your compliance with this is most appreciated. Similarly you, my dear reader, are reminded that the viewing of any blog, other than my own, is frowned upon in the run-up to the games and strictly prohibited during the two-week duration of the Olympics themselves. Any one found to be in breach of this agreement will immediately be ejected from the internet.
As you can see above the blog will now be emblazoned with my new title of OFFICIAL Anti-Olympics blog™. Furthermore, anything I sell can now bear the Olympic logo. Anyone who would like to purchase a special, commemorative copy of Socialist Worker with a picture of the Olympic mascot scrawled across the front page in felt tip – only £15! - can contact me by phone. In honour of the games I’ll answer after five rings. Remember, we’re all in this together so try not to worry, just sit back and think of the legacy I’ll leave behind for you all.